Our Complicated History
To say that James and I had an awkward start to our relationship may be a slight understatement. We were both separated from our spouses, mine had left me 8 months previous, and James’ left him for their female lodger whilst pregnant with their second child two years prior to us meeting.
I was in counselling as a domestic violence survivor and living in a refuge. James was in between jobs whilst waiting to start the university course he had deferred the year previous, and living alone in the marital home. I was petrified by the idea of meeting ANYONE as I did not expect to be ready for love ever again, never mind find it. James had his little black book as he was playing the field (a lot). He literally had a book with notes about the different girls that he was seeing so that he could remember information about them and study up before dates (he has dyspraxia and so isn’t good with his memory). We were both very broken people and dealing with it in very different ways.
We fell head over heels in love. James little black book didn’t get a look in and we saw each other every day until I moved in just short of 5 months later. We had a whirlwind romance, married (whilst I was 6 months pregnant with our rainbow baby) a year to the date of us meeting. Baby number 2 was on the way by the time Judah was 7 months old.
All the while we were moving homes, getting divorced, planning weddings, having babies, maintaining consistent contact with James’ daughters, my amazing husband somehow managed to finish his university degree 2% short of a First. Is it any wonder that we are in marriage counselling?
We love each other very much and that has never been questionable, but as we have both been through divorces before and there are little children’s lives at stake we have chosen to seek help to be able to function the best that we can without bringing our past habits and issues from our messed up former lives into our now.
I am so proud of James as he is now searching for a job, but whilst we are at home together with the children we are working on being the best ‘us’ we can be, for our future and for our children. We don’t want our children to repeat any of our mistakes.
We will always do whatever it takes to be the best versions of ourselves that we can. We both strongly believe in personal development, attending conferences, reading challenging books and applying them where we see the need (usually often). We do this for us but also for the generations to come, as our ‘blended family’ seems to be becoming more and more ‘normal’ in today’s society.
Read the rest of our love story and how we met here.